If you’re a female runner, you probably know what I am talking about. You’re down to the final stretches of your run, flicking somewhat obsessively through your iPod to catch the perfect song to carry you through to the end. You’re tired, your knees may hurt, you feel out of breath and uncomfortably sweaty.

And then some bro starts hollering at you. “Hey baby! Keep it up! Nice work, honey!” while hanging out the window of his car. Assaulting you verbally and invading your space.

You feel distracted, crappy, fat in your shorts and slow in your stride. This moron has managed to make you feel like an embarrassed and humiliated piece of meat, instead of an athlete. Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but this guy has pulled off a pretty impressive act.

As a society, we’ve become increasingly aware of the effects of domestic violence and the importance of stopping it. (The prosecution rate, like sexual assault, is still abismal, but that’s another post for another day.) However, I don’t think we spend enough time discussing the common and difficult-to-label assaults on women. I’m talking about catcalling, cutesy name calling, discrimination and other harassments.

The scene I described at the top of this post happened to me just the other day, and it really shook me. The guy ran his truck right alongside the sidewalk while I was running and screamed at me. And this happens all the time, to all woman. Women have stories of offenses, comments, “misunderstandings,” and assaults that go unconfirmed, unproven, and unpunished. I consider myself fortunate that I’ve experienced sexual harassment as opposed to sexual assault or rape, how screwed up is that?

Our legal system relies on tangible proof in order to punish, but how do you address a wrong where there is no proven, clear offense? Yes, it hurts women and demeans them, but there is no physical or tangible evidence of this harm. So how do you punish something that you cannot see? I don’t know if you can, or at least, I don’t know if our legal system can.

Changing the way women are perceived and treated in the world has to change within men and women, our legal system has proven it is not up to the task, nor is it there with you when you’re running down the street.

Men, treat the women around with you some respect. Treat the slutty or stupid-looking young girl with the same respect that you would your grandmother. I don’t care if you think she deserves it or you’re teaching her a lesson, it’s not your job nor your place. I know that the men who are most inclined to harass women would never read this blog, but it had to be said.

And to the men who would never say something demeaning or derogatory, we still need you as allies. A coworker and I were once talking about sexual harassment in the work place, we got onto it via some abstract tangent that I can’t even recall, and he commented that people think differently of a woman who brings a claim of sexual assault.

While I do not think this is universally true of all workplaces, I found his comments to be very interesting. He was willing to acknowledge that some men would look at her differently, which is frightening and angering to me. If in my life, I have to bring a claim of sexual harassment against someone, I should hope that my male coworkers wouldn’t think that I’m a troublemaker, a liar, or even, a helpless victim. I am  a woman whose rights have been violated, looking for recourse. Plain, but no, not necessarily simple.

For the women, I think we need to take some responsibility for how we’re treated. While we frequently can’t stop harassment before it starts, we can manage the ammo. I worked in a sports bar and I regularly saw girls offer themselves up like discount candy to men. One time, a regular patron asked my manager to please choose between two of her friends, because they both wanted to hook up with him so badly, it was affecting their friendship and time at the bar.

So to those women, shape up. Take yourself seriously and consider yourself valuable, we teach people how to treat us. I understand that women who would let a man choose between them in such a manner probably have deeper challenges with self-esteem and self-respect – but it has to start with them. I will never blame any woman for what happens to her, but I do think we have some power to decide what we will and will not tolerate.

Camille Paglia once wrote a controversial essay on the dangers facing young women on college campuses today. She posited that young women were responsible for their own safety and that they needed to be responsible for their actions, because men couldn’t control themselves. Paglia said that men were animals, meant to rape and pillage, and that women needed to use their wits to protect themselves.

I disagree with Paglia, I think she is a victim-blamer who paints men with a crude brush and uses faulty logic, but I do agree with the isolated idea of women protecting themselves. Don’t protect yourself because men can’t control themselves, protect yourself because it’s a strong and independent thing to do. Expect better of men and expect better of yourself, but don’t give anyone any ammo, don’t sell yourself two-for-one or dress like a teenage hooker (unless, you know, you really want to.)

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