I think it is important to note how small experiences and small feelings approach how people (I was writing about women, because that’s what I know, but it really could be all people) sports.

I think that you point to a really positive experience with co-ed sports. My experiences have been less positive, and that’s where I’m writing from. I never meant to imply that all men are assholes, because that’s obviously a ridiculous thing to say.

I have had positive experiences playing with guys before, this is not a zero-sum situation for me, but I have seen a lot of jackasses in my time playing with Calgary Sport and Social.

I do think it is important to note that there are ingrained differences in the way that men and women approach sports. Athleticism is to men as beauty is to women. As such, I think it can create a different culture on the field/court between men and women. I think it’s interesting to look at why that is, and how people who are intimidated (men and women) can respond to feeling intimidated.

This part: “I don’t know about you, but my gym teachers never really tried that hard to make the girls feel comfortable in team sports.” I had the same experience in school, except for one shining moment I still think about. It was Grade 8, and we were playing basketball. My teacher was explaining to us how we could move quickly across the court without actually running, and by instinct I did kind of a sideways shuffle, and my teacher pointed at me and said, “Yes! Samantha, that was perfect.” and I can’t believe how good I felt about myself, this shy clumsy kid who would have rather eaten her own hair than do gym class.

Not exactly what you were talking about, but it just amazes me how seemingly small and easy that gesture was, and how much of an impact it made on me and made me feel so much more comfortable.

I would like to point out that female-only sports environments are not always the most supportive environments and that at times when competition is fierce, women often (and sadly) get bitchy, which pains me to say. One thing I have always admired about men in sport is (for the most part) their ability to leave the game on the court. They might trash talk while playing the game but rarely do you see them continue that once the game is over. In fact, I’ve seen guys go up and compliment another dude on a “game well played.” In all my years of competitive sports, not once did I see this happen with women.

Again, I think I must have been quite lucky as my guy friends were always 100% supportive and would come to watch my games (how cool is that?). And, when I played co-ed soccer in my last year of high school, I was just another team member and we were all on board to win. So, whoever was open was going to be the one receiving the pass. The guys on the team were probably some of the coolest people I was lucky enough to play sports with. In fact, I can remember the captain (a guy) helping out a couple of the female players with their passing skills so we could “crush” the opposing team in the next game.

Basically, I think both guys and girls can be assholes in sports, I don’t think this is a gender thing. And, it seems to me if you are part of a team and yet don’t feel like a valued member or aren’t supported by your teammates, then you are playing for the wrong team.

I wonder what would happen though if you asked the better players, male or female, to help you work on your skills. I think that could change your confidence levels and how the rest of the team looks at you on the court.

I think it is awesome that you are out there playing and I do hope you are having fun doing it. At the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.

Like Rhett, you make the valid point that guys experience the feeling of exclusion and screwing up on the court as well. I didn’t really consider it because I was writing purely about my own experience, and what I see other women I know experience.

But you’re right. Guys get left out too. Guys feel like they’re not very good and don’t have a lot of confidence either. In fact, one could probably argue that guys have more pressure to be good at sports, and therefore, a harder time when they don’t get passed to.

It was never my intention to lump all guys into one group. If it appears that way, and I can see how it would, I should have chosen my words more carefully.

I see your points about the nature of a team game, and how certain players exist simply to set up Kobe, but I don’t know if that should apply in the recreation environment. In my mind, the recreation game SHOULD be about everyone getting a fair chance for the net. That might not be the best strategy for winning, but I think it’s the most inclusive. Maybe I am putting too much emphasis on scoring, but isn’t that the point?

Encouraging women to be selfish on the court may perpetuate the jerk, jock culture, but I think there are positives to encouraging women to be more aggressive. When there are women who are too scared to even play, I think the concern about perpetuating jock culture may be overstated. We’d have better results focusing on encouraging the jocks to play more as a team.

And people may not be shitty teammates because they’re men, but I don’t think that men are more prone to that behaviour. It’s the end behaviour that I really care about.

And Colin, I will always be game (PUN INTENDED) to play basketball with you.